Adoption can be messy. Back in the days, people who were adopted often weren't even told they were adopted. The thinking was that it would upset them and make them feel different. We then progressed to people knowing they were adopted, but the files which would let them know who their biological parents are were sealed, so they never knew their history, their family origin or why their birth mother chose adoption for them. I have friends in this situation, and it is a struggle for them to just never know all the answers to their questions. I also know friends who have adopted siblings who struggled terribly emotionally and it was a strain on their family. We've all heard stories of children adopted from Russian orphanages who have significant attachment issues. We have friends who have walked through the pain of a failed adoption. We're not walking into this blindly. This could effect our entire family negatively. We have a desire for a transracial adoption, and so ours will be. Yes, we understand this could cause our adopted child some trouble over time. They might feel as though they don't fit in. We know all this, and so do our bio kids. Their response to this has been part of our confirmation that this is the path the Lord has for us.
About 10 years ago, we went to Tennessee for a family vacation and attended a large prayer meeting named "The Call" held at the Tennessee Titans football stadium. There was worship and prayer the entire day. Part of the time was dedicated to praying for an end to abortion. This topic is very near and dear to our hearts. There was a tent set up on the premises for people who had chosen abortion in the past to put a pair of baby shoes with a name for their baby that they had aborted. The desire was to bring healing and closure to this painful decision. There were a LOT of shoes. It was very somber and moving. During part of the prayer, I was weeping and my young boys asked me why I was crying. I had to explain to them what abortion is in the best way I could, and they innocently asked, "Why would a mommy chose that? Babies are so sweet." It was a precious memory for me as a mom. There was a also a challenge given to those attending the prayer time. If we are going to ask these moms to choose life and their circumstances are so dire that they feel like they can't bring a child into the world to raise, then are we also willing to stand up and adopt their babies? We have to be willing to be truly pro life in all areas and that includes being a part of adoption. I believe as Christians, participating in adoption and foster care is not an option. Not everyone is called to actually adopt, but we are all called to support widows and orphans and can support adoption in many ways that doesn't include actually adopting. On that day, we knew the Lord was calling our family to adopt. Not just Kevin and me, but the boys would be included as well.
So, three years ago, when we felt the Lord released us to move forward with adoption, we told the boys if even one of them was not on board with this decision, we wouldn't do it. It affects all of us, not just Kevin and me. I'm pretty sure they didn't hesitate at all in that discussion to say "Yes" to the call and the Lord. Something that is also very extraordinary about our kids is that they all LOVE young children and are kid magnets themselves. We've had so many people over the years talk about this. "Your kids are so good with our kids". All four of them. Kevin and I always say, "We wish we could tell you how to parent that, but it's not anything we've done." It truly is just the Lord's favor and even more confirmation in our hearts that this is what He has called us to as a family.
Now that we're finally here, they boys are super excited about it. They've been telling their friends and we've been talking about names and planning what all we're going to do once the baby arrives. I'm pretty sure once they get home from school, I won't even be able to hold the baby and I know they'll be super helpful, as they always are. It truly melts my heart.
We're thankful for this challenge. Yes, we are much older than we expected to be when we said "yes" to the Call, but we are also wiser and more patient. We know that the sleepless nights will end and some day we'll be sending this little one off into the world as we did with Andrew this summer. Our child will struggle. There will be some generational issues to walk through (think nature vs nurture) and we won't always have the answers. We won't always feel equipped to answer the questions. But we do know this; Our God's grace is sufficient. His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness and kindness towards us is so great. We can trust Him every step of the way. His heart and love towards this child is far greater than ours. He's more concerned with the future and His people than we will ever be. So we feel honored to be a part of this child's story and to be the ones to love and nurture this life.
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